I was talking to M last night on the phone, and was trying to explain how i needed to have her close yet was so afraid and wanted her so far away. She said she wanted to explain a story to me, a true story, and that maybe it would help me try and trust her on a deeper level. So i wanted to share that story ,and explain a few things about how i feel about that.
She had a client who was once in the same i was, it was three years since she had known M, the same amount of time we have. One day she turned to M and said i have this cup its fragile its got lots of cracks you drop it, it will break you try and place it down harder than expected it will shatter. its made of sensitive porcelein and its not as strong as other cups. If i place this cup in your hands can i entrust you to take gentle and careful care of it. Can i trust you to handle it with the care and concern its needed to keep it in one piece but gently place the cracks together so they are whole. M said of course i will treat it with the care that is needed.
So we continued our conversation and at the end i said this " We dont have any porcelin cups here, they would just get broken but what i do have is my engagment ring, its not as chunky as others its delicate and its precious, can instead of the porcelin cup i hand you the engagement ring, it holds the same symbolism its the only precious thing i have, if i lose that id be devastated, can you take care of that for me and see that its kept safe". Her answer was yes of course. Now this isnt she really takes the ring its just that i wanted soemthing personel to offer her that was precious to me and see how she treated it.
But what i didnt tell her was this. My engagement ring is broken, in two places. There are two sapphires missing from the base, but beyond that it is also broken, no actually split in half at the back. it sits on my finger by pure miracle and has done for over a year. Ive been meaning to get it fixed but as i talked to M last night and said that to her i decided that it was the right symbolism. You see giving M my ring although not in actuality but in pretend meant that for those two remaining stones she had to treat it even more gently with care. If she didnt the remaining stones would fall out, seeing it was already broken and split any more meant it was irrepairable. I dont know if she will accept the ring after knowing it is as broken as i am and only time will tell on that one.
But then it got me thinking this. If my ring is broken and needs to be fixed how many other things of peoples need to be fixed and maybe it was something that i could use to help me. You see as much as my ring is right now as broken as i feel ,it is right it that way for now. And i was wondering this. Is there something of yours at home that youve been meaning to fix and hadnt got around to it, something that is precious but can wait. And is it possible just for me no others although part of a system ,that you would join me in something.
I was wondering if maybe you would hold off getting it fixed until i was fixed, and i would hold off getting my ring fixed until i was in a safe enough place to feel it was right to do so. Then when it was right and i was ready i with M and R would get my ring fixed back into the awesome beauty i bought it in with my husband. I fell in love with this ring bevcause it was different and at the moment it is half of it beauty but maybe if i work it can be beautiful again.
Would anyone join me in keeping something that needs to be fixed on hold and together we can all go in different ways to get our not so fixed things fixed?
Amelia
14 comments:
I am with you all the way. When reading your message, I immediately thought of something precious to me that is broken. I have shoved it in a cupboard with the thought that I will get around to getting it fixed one day. I can wait as long as needed and look forward to the day (however far away that is)when I can bring it out of the dark and put it out on display - whole and beautiful - for the world to see. I have faith that the day will come when your ring will shine again and my carousel will turn and life will seem full of nothing but beautiful possibilities.
love, Mitch
Amelia Years ago I was given a locket. It is a locket that was owned by my paternal grandmother. Inside it is a picture of my father when he was a baby. It is the only baby picture I have of my father. The hook that attaches to a necklass is broken. I keep it though because it is so precious to me. I keep telling myself one day I will get it fixed. I am willing to wait until you get your ring fixed. I am in on this all the way. We shall fix them together. One day when you wear your ring, I will wear that locket.
Amelia, I feel honoured that you trust me to take care of your "ring" I knew when you asked me to look after it that it is symbolic of you. And that it is the most precious thing you own. You are so precious to the system that you belong to. I feel not only are you trusting me, even if at this stage it is somewhat tentatively, but others also are trusting me with helping you. that truely is a priviledged position of trust to be given. Thank you! :)
Amelia, when my great grandmother was a child, she was given a rocking chair, it was already an antique then. For my 10th birthday, she gave that chair to me. Shortly before I met D, the back half of that chair snapped off, I was about 23 by then. This chair is somewhere in the neighborhood of 200 years old. I have never had it fixed. Because of the age of the chair, I'm afraid that it can't be fixed or that no one will know how to fix it. So it sits in a special box in storage waiting for the day it can be made whole again. I will leave it there as long as necessary. :)
My wedding cake topper has been moved around in boxes from home to home for almost the past 10 years. It is currently sitting on a shelf in a cupboard broken and although every year I return to the fair where a glass blower can easily fix it, I never remember to take it. It's the most beautiful top I have seen and it symbolizes myself and my husband and all the strength we share together.
I will gladly hold off fixing it (because I was getting ready to pull it down and finally take it this year) until you give me the go ahead. While I am waiting, I will support you and your courage to move forward. I will pray for your strength to continue and your trust to grow. And I will rejoice with you when it is time for me to take my broken cake topper to the fair.
Amelia,
When my mom passed away I inhearited a jewlery box that was handcrafted overseas.. I have always been terrified of getting it fixed becasue it is a unique item... and I was afraid I would inflict more damage then was already there..
I will hold onto it until you are ready then let me know and I will set my fear aside and get it fixed.
Dear Amelia,
keepers wedding ring has become much too big for our finger. we have had it sized a couple of times so it is very fragile. getting it sized again will have to be done in a different way. keepers will wait until we can have our ring done at the same time you have your engagement ring fixed.
lydia for keepers
OHOHOH I do have something. I have a pearl necklace left to me by my grandmother. It needs to be restrung and the clasp is broken. I offer this.
I have a little necklace that was given to me by an older woman.. She may have been an aunt.
She was very kind to us and gave one of us a doll once but the mother took it away. When she found out that the doll had been taken she gave us another little gift.. something smaller they kept it hidden for years. Its a tiny heart necklace made of pearl on a silver chain.
Several years ago someone tore it off during a triggering time. The chain is broken and I have kept it in the drawer of my desk for several years meaning to get the chain fixed. I will gladly keep it there until you are ready.
((((Amelia))))
hey hun - fyi, my site address has changed... i dont know if youve had trouble getting to my site, but im still around. just havent been doing much writing lately... thinking of you :)
Amelia, I read this post yesterday and have thought about it alot. I don't have anything that I can hold off getting fixed, I simply don't have any thing of sentimental value. But I am behind you and can't wait for the day when you tell me your wedding ring is fixed
You know when i posted this my first thought was who am i to ask something like this from people who are just getting to know us and Josie said to me who are you not to ask.
I looked at all the responses and realised that i wanted to adress you all, a heart is healed from peoples willingness to listen and act generously, all of you have done both. Each of you remind me that evne when the journey is getting the toughest it can be you are listening and supporting and holding off your most precious items to walk with me and support me and consequently us, and for me this has been a personally moving and poignant moment.
M said the other day when Sa'de asked her what she was willing to wait to get fixed and she said im willing to help you guys get sorted and thats what i offer thats my piece of preciousness, and even if no one has something you have something all of you, you have the ability to support us in getting better what an awesome gift. Thankyou so much to you all.
All my care and hugs
Amelia
I've got several things that are broken which I don't want to part with, but I haven't fixed them yet, and they've been broken for years.
I have a locket that my grandmother left me when she passed away. Inside there is a picture of her as a little girl, we almost look like twins when I was around that age. The chain is broken as is the clasp on the locket. It sits in the jewelry box that belonged to my other grandmother, and there it will stay...
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