mothers day

ive been sitting here thinking about only one topic, the one society now calls mothers day, packages wrapped and carefully chosen cards written and phone calls made, this like fathers day is one of those day where we are supposed to go and see our mothers. place the presents in front of her and smile in enjoyment as she opens them. It is for me as painful as christmas with people you dont like but go and do anyway.
For me my obligations are partially over my mum is d*ad, my parents in law are away fro the weekend so seeing them isnt an issue either. My children are excited, they chose their presents on thursday at school and have hidden them in some who knows where place, im sure i will grateful do as im obligated and coo and smile at their awful decisions and thank them over abundantly for knowing what id like. So in saying that it is so rare i would say this, mothers day is a load of crock.
We spend what one day saying thanks what so we can spend the next so many weeks saying no thanks. My children say thankyou everyday to me they say it in their smiles their hugs their kisses their i love yous and their comfortability. I dont need a day to tell me they love me ,need me, thank me i see it all day everyday.
Then i was thinking what about all those women and men out there that dont want to thank their mums, what do they do and feel on a day like sunday. My mum didnt deserve mothers day no matter what day but on that one day in the year i gave it to her and if she was alive i would still be doing it. Obligated by tradition rather than heart i did as was expected of me, i didnt hate i didnt like it, i wanted her to know i cared and lately im wondering what did i care about. But like all dutiful well groomed and brought up lady i did what was right, and now shes not here anymore i miss doing what was right. I am bound to my mum even though shes gone, and i live out sunday with although knowing she isnt here i will think of her as though she was.
Some mums are just there in words, they have that name but show no semblence of what the name means. But my heart will always see my mum as mum, as a mum to five children myself i also have my mums name and although so very very different in her ideals to mine, it is the same name and at times for me confusingly holds the same conotations. Although i know i am vastly different from her in what her name meant to me it is still and will forever be the same name and no time will ever change that i am mum as she was mum.
Did you know that there are three days in the year where the s*ic*de rate is higher than any other, christams day, mothers day and fathers day. Why because they are the most emotionally effected days of the year, where memories and pain can influence people into such a depression. Where painful memories are unleashed into an impact that no one can see coming. Where a recent d*ath of a a mum can bring grief to the forefront.
So this mothers day i think i have decided to spend it thinking about those mums and non mums who have influenced my life in a powerful and constructive way, and see them all as as mothers influence, who have impacted my life in a way a mum does but with vastly different consequences.

Amelia

tope ten greetings and goodbyes and how not to say them

top ten ways of not greeting or saying goodbye to someone you know or dont.

!0. Never say to a guy "Hi hows it hanging"

9. Never say copulater " which means cop you later" together doesnt doesnt too great.

8. Never say " gees i recognised you because of your butt".

7. Never say something different about you, then a second later ive got it now, no ive lost it again ill let you know when i remember.

6. Never say hi youre so and sos mum arent you and they say no and you say oh shit when did you have another kid then.

5, Never start a convo with when are you due, especially if they are not due at any time with any baby and they are simply fat.

4. Never ask a woman how her husband is expecially if she has never had one.

3. Never enter a bible study with, hows it going are you all hanging out as long as your tits arent right. (yes this has actually happened)

2. Never touch a womans hair, especially when shes wearing a wig.

1, Never ask a guy on which side his trousers got fitted and if it was left or right.

Ohhh the joys of being a multiple.

Josie

scary

I was in T the other day, when i finally emerged i was sitting legs straight out lounged back in the chair, trying to right myself seemed the hardest job in the world. Perfect sitting position straight backed, head upright and eyes to front. Eyes doesnt mean you have to focus as long as they look like they are. Desperately trying to reposition myself into a perfect postioni realised i couldnt. Panic started rising, how could i look like a lady looking like this. I clasped my hands in my lap and hoped that would be enough. Trying to smile and pretend i was ok i let M talk. I heard her voice but all the time while responding i was desperately trying to postioned myself to the perfect postion. The position of a lady.
She was asking me Q and while trying to redirect my body I was trying to give her the right answers. She asked at one stage Amelia what are you feeling and i said im scared. Scared because im not sitting right, scared because i cant focus correctly and scared because i cant answer these Q without sitting correctly. Did i tell her this no, i just tried to field what she was saying while trying to get myself right inthe process.
When i see M i dont actually see her, if you asked me to describe her i cant. I am a complete blank. i ve been seeing this T for three years, shes become a close friend of the system and i think of her dearly but who the hell is she. I cant describe her, not because shes indescribable but because i cant damn well remember her. How can you say you have been in T three years and not know what your T looks like, well i can. Oh dont get me wrong the others can desribe her precisely but i cant, even when they do i think hard and then nothing.
How can you be seeing someone for three years and not be able to see her, thats scary.

Amelia

jai

righto i wanted ta start this blog with ta anyone who reads, this aint about did it bout tryin ta get some ideas from yas all so if yas got some ideas afta readin don think yas cant respond cause i kinda need lots a peoples ideas an stuf k.

Taday we went ta see M our T, now we got a seven year old insida, whose bein goin through the mil at the mo, he came out ta see M an spent the whole time tryin ta tel her he aint gona "I tawk no more". Now fa yas that don ave the histary, jai only jus started talkin two yers go afta not talkin since he got real bad hurt. He was told he talk his tongue gona get cut out, so he believed em an stopped talkin, it took ages fa M ta get im talkin an even then it in sylables like no tawk i tawk etc etc. If ya talk ta im ya think hes younga than he is case a is speech. But he me litle dude an i am proud ta be lookin afta im.

Anyway he came out at T taday an was sitin tremblin, eventauly he got so scared he hid unda er desk (an man that aint a smal fete, case we tal an not huge but big an he mangaged ta do it), whimperin teror in is eyes, so freakin scared a everythin worse than we seen im. Ventauly he got imslef in ta such a state he passed out, wich left us lyin unda desk tryin ta pretend we always do that :p Yeh like we do everiday.

So M said if he that scared next week can ya talk fa im an i said yeh but i aint kinda cool bout that, not case i cant but case i reckon he need ta be there imself ta get trust an shit like that. Now Jai likes is thomas the tank engine so i got a book i can take ta T nex week an M can read it ta im, an i got a tofe apple i can take fa im ,but i gues me Q ta yas all is how do yas help a freaked out seven year old that thinks every person gona urt im an how we convince im that it aint the case,

Hopin some a yas can help

michael

results not expected

ever felt like your whole world is going to implode and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Well right now that's it for me. On Friday night I received a call from M pediatrician, M being my second daughter. She is eight years old, she had because of some facial twitching been referred for a mri. Previously to this she had a xray and a CT scan, both appearing normal. The mri was in my mind a final in the trilogy, it like every other test was to be normal, then we could look at the psychological for her issues. Far behind in learning and already staying down it was all psychological right. WRONG.
The MRI wasn't all we thought it would be. It came back as extremely abnormal. Now referred to a specialist, they aren't sure what has caused that sort of result. So I called the pediatrician tonight and asked if it was it a brain tumor, no we don't think so, is it a brain clot, no we don't think so, is it epilepsy no we aren't sure. So in frustration I asked, is my daughter going to die soon from these results, no he said we don't think so. I said think and he said we aren't sure and I cant give you a definite answer, this isn't meant to happen. I said huh ? He said I didn't expect the results like this to come back. That's why ive referred her to the specialist who can help her. Can you get the films to him asap please, I said yes ok.
Ok ive had a hard day. I had to call the school and say um were aren't sure whets wrong but keep an eye on M in case she has any more episodes, the principal talked a long time to me asking if I was ok and I said yes of course and she said we are here for you and the rest of the family also you know. If you need to talk to cry come into my office and just ask for me if IM not where. M is part of our school and so are you and your family, you matter all of your family does. We are all here for you.
Again I give the stop standard answer we are ok .The truth is I see her walking, talking to me and I think what does this result mean. It means IM not ok and I wish I could cry in someone's arms and i wish this was over and I wish I could scream but don't know how and I wish I could take it for her.
Reality my nine year oldest son wants the computer, my eight year old daughter wants to sleep and my five year old and four year olds still need me, feelings over this, when do I have time. Truth is whats the point I love her, but cant even get over shock must just go on isn't that what everyone expect, i am a mum above all isnt that my label . Not human no time just a label (mum) no one else. Its imploding.

amelia

P.S this is the time we go and respond to everyones blogs, i am truly sorry but we cant do this tonight. We will respond by tomorrow night