We went to therapy yesterday and all the way home cried tiny tears no sobbing tears of sadness we havent felt since sam was locked up. Today for the first time ever we started to feel grief for our life. The life that we never had a chance to have, for the child we never were and the adult we never really got to become. this isnt a suicide theme its a understanding that for all our life we have tried to not be different but simply put we were set apart and different from very very early on.
As kids we always seemed aloof and far apart we made few friends and even the friends we made always gave up eventually because of our aloofness, we didn't understand it then but did today that we had been set apart to not really be part of normal life at all. That deep down we were so desperate to make and keep friends, we tried to be good very good and even better but still it didnt matter and today we understood we had been set apart so it didnt matter what we did we were never going to make friends. We had been groomed to be set apart.
As adults we have loads of dreams but dreams never surmounted to anything we thought it was because we were too dumb to fulfill them but in fact our dreams werent any matter at all, we had been set apart to fail at anything other than what sam was appointed to do. We have often been described as flittering from job to job idea to idea with no clear view on anything and now we understand why. We were set apart to fail at anything except sams job. Our dreams were always ours but somehow they seemed always out of reach, we had been set apart for a job since birth anything else was ridiculous.
We grieve today for a life lost in fact nearly forty years of it. When we were six to nine months old the devil came in and stole it from us. Today we realised how much we have lost and how sad we are for our loss. Being Set apart isnt fun nor is realising how we lost so many years always trying to be something we never could, so i guess we sit here typing now saying who an earth are we if we arent who they made us to be, what an earth are we to do with our life and where do we go from here ?
the links
8 comments:
who are you and where do you go? why anyone you want to be and anywhere you want to go of course:)
What a sad and yet healing thing to realize.
I agree with Raine.
Grief is painful but meant to be a healing thing. So I am pleased in one way that you are grieving as it is helping you heal.
Be kind to yourself Links.
xx.
I think Raine said it best :-D
I remember crying so much I thought I would never be able to stop over what had been done to me and how I could never be happy or normal or the life I wanted.
It's good to grieve, to affirm that what was done to us was wrong and that it hurt. It's good to affirm that it matters--that WE matter.
The day may come when your life gets better, when you are able to be happy, when you have good things in your life that you didn't think would ever be possible. I hope that it will for you as it did for me.
So many people NEVER grieve these types of things. They just pretend. Many of them go even further and pretend that it is healthy to just be 'grateful' or 'glad it wasn't worse' or some other lie. People never really heal with these lies. You will heal.
you go onward and upward hand in hand learning from each other, supporting each other and leaving trails like your blogs for others to read and use as best they can.
you are not only helping yourself but others as well.
peace and blessings
keepers
I grieve for you and with you. I, too, was set apart and wished for friendship. There was none to be had because I lived on a different planet. It was a cold, harsh, scary planet.
It's right to grieve the things you've lost for so long. Where to go from here? Sometimes for me, it's just put one foot in front of the other. That's all. Wherever you go, I hope you find all the love and peace you deserve.
Warm and safe hugs.
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