Immobolised

On Tuesday we went to see Mr wonka, Rachel wont be back until the middle of next month. we were talking to Mr Wonka about how we had a sort of meltdown at college on Monday. We had an assessment that involved theory to start with and because we were already stressed over our ex's behaviour and we were stressed because we had such a huge assessment we didnt do so well. In our course its 100% or nothing. So finding out we had failed right before we were about to present four plates of food was heartbreaking.

Somewhere through out the service our teacher tried to talk to us but we were so upset that we ended up in the toilets in tears. Our co worker finding us and we kept saying you dont understand failure isnt an option for us. We cant walk out of school today without a pass and then burst into more tears. Finally she calmed us down enough for us to come back into class and we presented the best food we have ever cooked. I cant remember it but i guess one of our alters who strive for perfection took over. In fact our food was so good our teacher had two of our four dishes for his lunch LOL. We of course passed our presentation with flying colours.

but then we get to Mr wonka and he was suggesting that well you know what im not sure what he was suggesting but he was kind of asking if it was at all possible to just get on with life no matter what our past holds. Im sure it was more complex than that but its hard to explain. When all of sudden i was shoved aside and an later emerged who looked at Mr Wonka and said in a cold hard voice failure is NOT an option. I dont know who was more surprised me or him, maybe me because there in front of me was a shadow child. After talking to Mr Wonka for a while we came back and i cant move my legs my arms only my head.

I was totally like i was had been covered in concrete and it was scary i started to panic and think oh fuck what happens now and Mr Wonka i think is sort of going uh oh what do i do here. Everything was so heavy my body was out of place, i didnt know hat to do, i knew the more i panicked the worse ti might become so we did some breathing with Mr wonka and after what seemed an eternity i got my feeling back. But every now and again i feel like that again and im freaking out because i was scared like really scared.

I am not sure why they did that to our body or even how i wish someone could tell me but one thing i know if Mr Wonka wants to work with these alters then i am thinking more time given in recovery afterward might be an idea. As for my test we re sat it passed it with flying colours today.

Deshanti