They laid food upon the table *******might be triggering******

Silver service went really really well. We were put on duck and it was a popular dish and we loved it. Mr wonka apologised to us for us feeling so bad after last session, he said he didnt mean to hurt us and he felt he wanted to extend us and see what happened, but even he wasnt expecting the response ( i dont think) and so this week was more gentle with the system thank god.

But school has become harder on us. This last week we have been doing pastries. Im finding that we are in actual aversion to this component its actually doing strange things to our system. Today we spent most of the day wishing to god we could get out of the kitchen we were miserable totally miserable. At one point prepared to fail the course rather than re enter the kitchen and face yet another profiterole or eclair. We even found ourselves baulking at making them. Disliking school yet never before have we felt like this.

Taking a moment in the toilets with a closed door we had to self asses what the frick was going on for us. Suddenly we were transported back to time where our father was handing us a cornetto (ice cream) and telling us how proud he was of us and how he knew we would always keep the secrets.

Then soon after was the next scene. We found ourselves scrubbing walls it was inside a church basement we can still remember the Jesus loves you beside us as we scrubbed. Gunk red gunk was everywhere our bucket was red inside and so we scrubbed. We were tiring and as we tired we would get a welt of a stick on our bare back. We scrubbed more. As we scrubbed we saw a table being laid, nice white table cloth all clean and we didnt realise how clean until we looked at our bare body and saw we were covered in red. Then as we scrubbed and other children joined us to scrub they laid food upon the table cold food all sorts of cold buffet food. Eclairs, profiteroles, donuts ice cream jelly desserts of all kind. When we were don scrubbing we were told to wash our hands but nothing else. And when the clean inspection of the walls was over we got to serve the food. We in our red stained ugly bodies held the trays for our tormentors. As we saw them stuff their faces with cream and desserts we felt ill. Terribly ill. After ward we saw what happened with that food as they did stuff with it in other ways and we have never forgotten, even if it wasnt obvious.

We know why now we dont like desserts why these sessions at school are so overpowering and why we hope to god the the next two days go fast because we truly feel ill looking at whats going on. We have a co worker who sees us struggle and has offered to help to support us when we cant do it, but no one knows why. Sometimes even in something we love so much traces of their hatred shine through.

Lucy