So who should integrate??????

I was going to each blog this morning and was reading MiKaels blog http://mycloudsandmystorms.blogspot.com/ about living with D.ID . And as i was reading the comments one reader said this that they felt that for them intergrating was important, for her not integrating meant that the field was left wide open for a chance of new alters being created. She felt that for her not integrating meant she wasnt fully healed. In the end it was a great discussion between both MiKael and the commenter called ER.

But it lead to our own thoughts about integration. When we were first diagnosed nearly 18 years ago the common thoughts were that recovery of memories involved reliving them and going back to talk about them and at the end once it was all done integration. So wen did the hard yards we talked and did the reliving and yet no one integrated. looking back now i can see how our therapist at the time considered herself a failure at working with people with MPD. After all she was told this is how you did it and the person telling her this was the leading expert at the time of D.I.D.

For whatever reason our alters refused to go with common thought and balked against integration. So instead a group of people got together and organised a deliverance in order to force a form of integration. That didnt work so we were simply labelled unco operative and at time s we even the whispers that were possessed. Moving to our next therapist well she was useless, then we got to mon, well we all know how that ended up...... but.........Mon at one point thoguht she might look like she was doing her job and get some alters integrated. So this group of alters all came together and so called integrated, but did they?

Two years after seeing mon these so called integrated alters emerged saying well we just did as she asked without doing it. But it starts to beg the question, do alters who have integrated done that all? Is the power of a persons suggestion as mons was to us enough to place an later back into hiding and the supposedly healed person suddenly find themselves D.I.D all over again. And who says you have to integrate, certainly the therapist who isnt a multiple would say so, but is their theory correct after all many people have lost loved ones in their life and can many many many years later grieve so does that mean that their grief albeit years later is incorrect, according to modern therapy they say its normal. In the same way surely my dissociative parts are equally as normal for they too have suffered grief, and can many years later relive that grief.

We are very lucky in that both our therapists believe that integration isnt an option unless we choose it to be so and so therefor dont mention it. But you see i have found that the chain of thought of integration derives from the christian component of therapy that says that no child of god should be left unhealed, that god is into making everything good and whole, but yet we cant help thinking this, if god was so whole then how come there are three parts to him. Perhaps the lesson should be learnt that being so called whole isnt always the ideal but being healthy and well is.

Sa'de

Buried alive ****might be triggering*********

We went to therapy today it hurt it hurt a lot we forgot how much alters especially Little's remembering horrible terrible repulsive vulgar and degrading rituals were.

We knew when seeing Rachel today Christine's being buried in a box was going to be the theme. Mon who had carefully left these terrible rituals half healed in order to recreate more trauma, were about to be closed up. We let the alters whose whole existences had been i dont want to go to ground to talk.

Rachel was gentle and kind shocked and astounded but never ever letting those Little's get swallowed back into he memory. She was the counsellor we needed her to be. She reminded them that what they had been through was not now and kept them grounded. They in turn kept to our policy of start sharing finishes it out..... and they did just that.

These brave six year olds told a horrific tale of ritual abuse beyond comprehension, of course not for those who have faced re birthing in its barbaric form, as some unfortunate survivors have. We then were lucky enough to see MR wonka straight after ward who was able to converse with these alters, he like Rachel showed us humanity at its greatest witness.

Tonight we curl ourselves gently into a foetal position and gently rock those terribly ritualised alters into rest, they have gone far and further than we have ever hoped for, their courage takes our words away. And maybe this time

Going to ground will never be Christine's nightmare ever again.

Deshanti.

P.S *****this is my personal thoughts***********

the littles talked about mon today and this is what i want to say to her

you are fucking bitch for robbing these six year olds of true healing for you kept them in pain as long as you could, littles talk and they talk about how you screwed them over, keeping them half healed and probing them for as much info as you could.